i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
