Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
