So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
