If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
