Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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