Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
