Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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