wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
