I wish my penis had an off switch
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You're like the curious george of whores
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
