the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
