I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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