How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize