i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
