The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
