Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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