my vag is so smooth its legendary
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
