One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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