Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
