No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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