end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
