I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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