Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
