Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
someone owes me an orgasm
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
