i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
