I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
