It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
