I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
