he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
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I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
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That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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