The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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