Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
