He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You are a genius and a whore.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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