I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
