I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
