I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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