Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Alive.
So much puke
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
