Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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