At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
