so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
