I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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