I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
