TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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