it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You ate ashes out of my bong
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
