so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
