He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
