my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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