Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
