You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
