My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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