his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
