cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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