just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
