I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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