So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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