dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
