I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
