I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
