I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
