I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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