Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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