i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
