i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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