My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My bed smells like the plague
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
PANTIES FOUND
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